Application to the Botswana Meat Commission for the post of Chief Executive Officer

Dumela Rra,

Otsogile jang? Ke tsogile sentle.

As you can see, I am fluent in the language of your people. But that is not the only reason the job should be given to me. I have plans that will revolutionise the meat industry in Botswana.

I visited your Okavango Delta recently and was taken aback to see the number of animals that have been allowed to breed out of control.

I could scarcely walk from the bar back to my tent in the evening without bumping into one or other snorting beast bristling with fur and covered in teeth.

And what’s with the elephants? I almost got knocked unconscious in the middle of the night when a giant bull swung his trunk against the tent and whacked me across the head.

At least, I hope it was his trunk. The alternative is too horrible to think about.
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