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Ben Trovato

@ Sunday Times Books LIVE

Open Letter to Comrade Jacob Zuma, Regarding “The Spear”

Dear Comrade Jacob Gedleyihlekisa Zuma the First, by the Grace of God President of the Republic of South Africa, Head of the Household, Defender of the Faith, Pastor of the Flock, Defeater of the Mbeki, Unifier of the Nation, Msholozi of Msholozis, Lord of All the Beasts of the Earth and Fishes of the Sea, Conqueror of the Apartheid Regime and Owner of Property in Nkandla, I hereby greet you.

I am using your full title as I do not wish to be accused of disrespecting you. Please do not think all white people are the same as Brett Murray. Did you know that Brett Murray is an anagram of Merry But Rat? How appropriate. Point this out to your lawyer.

And did you also know that he has a master’s of fine arts degree from that bastion of white supremacy, the University of Cape Town? The title of his dissertation was A Group of Satirical Sculptures Examining Social and Political Paradoxes in the South African Context. I don’t know what this means but I know it can’t be good. That was in 1989, which means he was trying to destroy our fragile democracy five years before we got it.

The Merry Rat has also won two Irma Stern scholarships. As you know, Irma Stern was an Imperial Wizard of the Schweizer-Reneke chapter of the Ku Klux Klan. Furthermore, Murray’s so-called art is harboured in countries like Austria (Hitler, anyone?) and Angola. If I were you, I would call up Lindiwe Sisulu right now and tell her that we march on Luanda at dawn.

 

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